Most of us know clumsy sentences when we hear or read them, but we don\u2019t always know exactly why they are clumsy or possess the skills to fix them. An E-Newsletter reader heard the awkwardness of the following sentence but was puzzled by how to reword it.<\/p>\n
The network that this computer is able to connect to contains information that is privileged and confidential.<\/em><\/p>\n She may have felt uncomfortable about \u201cable to connect to\u201d because it sounds like a dangling modifier. However, this is just a symptom of bigger problems. The clumsiness is caused by several common writing errors:<\/p>\n *Unnecessary dependent clauses <\/strong> *Extraneous verb phrases <\/strong> *Subjects too far away from their verbs<\/strong> *Redundancy<\/strong> Finally, tweak the wording so that the sentence flows:
\nGet rid of that is\/which is, that are\/which are<\/em> clauses whenever possible.<\/p>\n
\nDelete verb phrases that don\u2019t add meaning: is able to<\/em>.<\/p>\n
\nPlace subjects closer to their verbs: computer connects, network contains<\/em>.<\/p>\n
\nWeed out repetitious words: Confidential<\/em> and privileged<\/em> mean the same thing in this context.<\/p>\n
\nThis computer connects to a network containing confidential information.<\/em><\/p>\n