That\u2019s right, I admit it. I\u2019m a word nerd. I pick, pick, pick at the way you express yourself.<\/p>\n
Despite protests of apathy, people of all ages care about how well they express themselves. Deep down, everyone likes to be right about language, and you can even hear little kids teasing each other about talking funny. We word nerds have an advantage here, but we certainly don\u2019t choose to be word nerds. It\u2019s thrust upon us. Believe me, a lot of us would rather be star quarterbacks. No one ever got a date by discoursing on split infinitives.<\/p>\n
I thought you might be interested in some of the current trends and tendencies in modern ignorance. It might be fun to watch with me the inexorable erosion of our language\u2014and civilization\u2014and we can gnash our teeth and wring our hands and feel secretly smug and superior. That\u2019s what word nerds do for a good time. So let\u2019s roll:<\/p>\n
Fortuitous<\/strong>\u00a0 It most emphatically does not<\/em> mean \u201clucky\u201d or \u201cfortunate\u201d; it simply means \u201cby chance,\u201d a much less optimistic denotation, since you can win the lottery fortuitously or get flattened by a truck fortuitously.<\/p>\n Notoriety<\/strong>\u00a0 Another badly botched word these days, \u201cnotoriety\u201d has somehow become a good thing: \u201cBurgess gained notoriety with his wildly popular children\u2019s books.\u201d But can\u2019t you hear the \u201cnotorious\u201d in \u201cnotoriety\u201d? There are all kinds of fame; \u201cnotoriety\u201d is one of the bad kinds, just down the pike from \u201cinfamy.\u201d<\/p>\n Impact<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cHow does the proposition impact property taxes?\u201d or \u201cGreenhouse gas emissions negatively impact the environment.\u201d This is pretentious twaddle. \u201cTo impact\u201d means to pack tightly together, as in \u201can impacted tooth.\u201d In sentences like the two examples above, simply use \u201caffect\u201d instead, and you\u2019ll sleep the serene slumber of the saintly.<\/p>\n Literally<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cLiterally\u201d is supposed to mean \u201c100 percent fact\u201d\u2014period. But not today, when \u201cliterally\u201d now is commonly used figuratively<\/em>! How sad that a no-nonsense word with such a strict meaning has been so hideously compromised. Any sentence with \u201cliterally\u201d means what it literally says, and when we hear it, we are being asked to believe our ears, rather than interpret or infer. So if you tell me you \u201cliterally hit the ceiling,\u201d I\u2019d suggest you move to a place with higher ceilings.<\/p>\n I recently read about a couple whose dreams \u201cliterally collapsed\u201d when, unfortunately, a fixer-upper they bought came down in a heap as they started working on it. Now, we know what the writer meant, but just don\u2019t mess around with \u201cliterally,\u201d OK? The house<\/em> literally collapsed, not the dream. How could a dream, the very essence of all that is beyond materiality, literally<\/em> collapse? It\u2019s utter gibberish.<\/p>\n The simple solution? Just say \u201cvirtually.\u201d \u201cVirtually\u201d allows you to enhance and embellish to your heart\u2019s content, options you relinquish by using \u201cliterally.\u201d<\/p>\n Comprise<\/strong> is the most misused and misunderstood two-syllable word in common English usage. It seems straightforward enough: it means to contain, consist of, take in, embrace. But when used on its own, it\u2019s usually mangled. \u201cJoey, Johnny, and Fritz comprise a group of daredevils.\u201d Sorry, but the group comprises (contains, consists of) Joey, Johnny, and Fritz. Which brings us to…<\/p>\n Comprised of<\/strong>\u00a0 This ubiquitous phrase is wrong every time<\/em>. It\u2019s the result of confusing and incorrectly combining \u201ccomprise\u201d and \u201ccomposed of.\u201d It\u2019s both ignorant and pompous, a lethal combo. \u201cComposed of\u201d is so mundane and \u201ccomprised of\u201d just sounds ever so much cleverer, doesn\u2019t it? Too bad there\u2019s no justification for it. Quick fix: simply replace it with \u201ccomprise.\u201d Wrong: \u201cThe team is comprised of Chicagoans.\u201d Right: \u201cThe team comprises Chicagoans.\u201d Far better: The team is composed of Chicagoans.<\/p>\n Well, that\u2019s all we have time for this week. Now you know why I spend my Saturday nights alone, watching mysteries.<\/p>\n This Tom Stern classic was originally published on January 28, 2013<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" That\u2019s right, I admit it. I\u2019m a word nerd. I pick, pick, pick at the way you express yourself. Despite protests of apathy, people of all ages care about how well they express themselves. 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